


Tourner Dans Le Vide

by dondengaeshi



Series: Captivated [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, plot with some porn question mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:56:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dondengaeshi/pseuds/dondengaeshi
Summary: "Am I ever too much?" he asks."Yes," Taeil answers easily. "But somehow, you make being possessed seem attractive."
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Nakamoto Yuta
Series: Captivated [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672078
Comments: 4
Kudos: 96





	Tourner Dans Le Vide

**Author's Note:**

> me writing yuil: *slams french title button*
> 
> (tourner dans le vide is a song by Indila, which inspired this fic. go listen to it its very lovely)

"You love too much." 

It's something Yuta's been hearing all his life. It didn't make sense to him at first; loving with his entire being was the _only_ way he knew how. Yuta, at his core, had a natural aversion to anything even remotely casual. If he couldn't completely submit himself to someone or something, he was hard pressed to consider it worth his time. It was rare to ever catch him doing _anything_ by half measures—'all or nothing' would be an apt description of his entire being. 

He started to come to terms with it some time after Sicheng had left for China, and suddenly his life felt so much more meaningless than he was used to. 

Well, meaningless is putting it a bit harshly, but it was different. Not exactly unbearable, but it felt like something fundamental was missing. It was odd not having most of his thoughts completely revolve around someone else, and truthfully he felt aimless most days, running through choreographies and photoshoots and comeback meetings without someone to anchor him down. Taeyong's word was gospel to him during those days, the only semblance guidance he had. 

For a time it had almost become normal.

Then he fell in love with Moon Taeil. 

It hit him like the proverbial brick in the head. They had all gone out to a celebratory dinner after they had finished recording the final song on their latest album. It had been a particularly exhausting day for Yuta, but the atmosphere was pleasant enough to make his forced sociability at least somewhat enjoyable. Taeil had been sitting across from him, and so Yuta had the perfect view to watch his face light up with laughter at something Jungwoo had said. The shift from his expressionless, head-down demeanor to this unrestrained joviality was the most beautiful metamorphosis Yuta had ever seen in his life. 

And the sound—god, he was nearly moved to tears that it hadn't been recorded for him to play on repeat over and over. He had been filled with an inexplicable desire to be the one to draw the sound from him again, and really, that marked the beginning of all that was to come. Though he doesn't make the attempt that night, his eyes are trained on Taeil for the remainder of it. If anybody notices, they don't say a word about it. 

Like a blooming flower slowly exposing its delicate innards, Taeil's beauty becomes more and more apparent as time goes on—parts of himself Yuta didn't even know he could find attractive. _Graceful_ was never a word he would use to describe Taeil at first, but there's definitely an aspect to his movement that's soft around the edges. No matter how chaotic their environment is, Taeil is unerringly patient, never rushing a thing. 

It was most apparent to Yuta when they were suddenly scheduled to perform on a show an entire hour earlier than initially planned, and their stylists were in a frenzy finishing their makeup and perfecting their hair. Taeyong looked about two seconds from a nuclear meltdown (no matter how much he tried to hide his panic, it always bled through the surface), everybody was yelling, and really, it was one of the worst evenings of his career. Taeil, though—Taeil was serene as can be, meticulously buttoning up the leather coat he was wearing for the stage performance in the mirror one by one, completely removed from the tumult around him. It's not even like he was paying attention to detail; no, he just seemed downright _unbothered,_ like the outside world didn't even exist to him. 

Whatever Arcadia Taeil always seemed to be preoccupied with, it drew him in mercilessly.

He doesn't acknowledge Yuta's increased presence around him, at least not verbally. He gives him a look when he sidles up to him on the couch one morning, one that Yuta thinks is a threat if not _very_ aggressive disapproval, but he holds his stare unwaveringly, and then he simply looks away like nothing happened. They have a lot of these weird stare-downs in the beginning, almost all of them ending with Taeil conceding defeat. Oddly, it never feels like Yuta's won them, anyway. 

Regardless, as their relationship smooths out, their nonverbal battles for dominance become more routine than anything. They do it so often that he's pretty sure some of the others think there's tension between them, but he doesn't do anything to dissuade them of the idea, and he doesn't think Taeil does, either. It's that alone that convinces him that whatever Yuta feels for him, Taeil wants to keep it private. 

Their first kiss is as electric as he expected it to be. 

The first time they have sex, it feels like his entire world is being rent from its orbit. 

As it would turn out, though, just _loving_ Moon Taeil turns out to be a lot easier than he thought it would be. He doesn't think anyone would have the courage to call him clingy to his face, but he knows he is. He's tactile by nature, feeling on edge when the object of his affections isn't at least somewhere near him. Taeil doesn't seem to mind his constant hovering though, letting him play with his hair even when cameras are rolling, letting him link their hands together under tables, letting Yuta kiss him mercilessly when he's not giving him the attention he wants. He's overdoing it, he knows, but the way Taeil just smiles warmly at him and tug him closer when he gets that way isn't any kind of red light he knows to interpret.

It's addictive, and as Yuta does with all things, he digs his claws in deep. 

It's always the worst part of his determination to get what he wants—the way it completely eclipses everything else. It's stifling to wake up thinking of Moon Taeil, to go to bed and wake up thinking of him, to constantly have the vestiges of the warmth of his body against Yuta's own on his mind until the next time they have any privacy together. 

Some days it really feels like he _breathes_ for him, and Taeil laughs when he confesses that to him. 

"It sounds like you're more in love with love than you are with me." 

Yuta had denied that but Taeil hadn't been up for a debate, instead peeling his shirt from his body and kissing him senseless. 

Unexpectedly, it's Taeyong who raises his concerns about his behavior first. He claims that Yuta is smothering Taeil, the implication here being that Taeil can't stand up for himself if he wants to. 

That, he thinks, is the first false impression that Taeil gives people—that he's meek or insecure. The opposite couldn't be more true. Yuta has never met anyone more certain in what they want than Taeil. His conviction is just of the quieter sort, reflected inward as opposed to outward, never feeling the need to impose on other people. It's one of the more unique parts to his character, and Yuta loves that about him.

He tells Taeyong whatever it is he needs to hear to get him off his back, certain that his concerns were extrapolated from incomplete data, but he decides to bring it up with Taeil anyway.

"Am I ever too much?" he asks. Taeil is straddling his waist, running drowsy hands over Yuta's bare chest. He looks content, neck flushed and dotted with love bites. 

"Yes," Taeil answers easily, faint smile playing at his lips. "You're always too much." His thumb trails along his collarbone lightly. He looks up at him then, eyes heavy with something Yuta can't place. "But somehow, you make being possessed seem attractive." He leans forward and kisses him then, impassioned but chaste—an attempt at reassurance. "I don't want you to stop." 

Yuta doesn't need to be told twice. It feels natural to wrap an arm around his waist and tilt him backwards, and god, he is completely enamored with how small Taeil looks beneath him. 

He re-enters him easily, Yuta's come from before serving as enough lubricant by itself. Taeil only offers a soft groan at the feeling, eyes fluttering shut while Yuta rocks into him gently. He's still so tight and still so warm around him; he never knew someone else's body could feel so heavenly. 

Overstimulation starts to take its toll on him though, as pleasure and discomfort mix together in the soft whines that fall from Taeil's mouth. He's definitely on the quieter end of the spectrum when it comes to lovers Yuta's had, and he finds that he loves it. It's always a challenge in bed, to remove all his inhibitions and encourage him to make as much sound as he wants. Truly, he thinks Taeil's moans can be the most erotic things he's ever heard.

Gripping his hips he pulls Taeil closer to his own, rhythm becoming fervent as he chases his own release. Taeil's own cock twitches where it lay semi-flaccid against his stomach, spurring Yuta to thrust in harder. He's getting antsy beneath him, hands clawing at the bedsheets and legs squeezing around Yuta's waist, so he shifts his position slightly, adjusting the angle at which he's ramming into him.

The effect is immediate. Taeil's back arches from the bed in pleasure, a loud moan erupting from his throat, and _that's_ the sound that Yuta's looking for. He leans down to kiss him, feeling his cries of pleasure reverberate through his own chest. Taeil claws at his back until his body suddenly tenses and Yuta can feel the warm spurts of come splatter his abdomen. 

"So good, hyung," he murmurs into the corner of Taeil's mouth. "Always so good for me. You're too perfect." 

Taeil moans quietly in response, and it's not long before Yuta's spilling into him for the second time that night, body curling around the smaller one beneath him as he rides out his orgasm. 

Taeil can hardly keep his hands off him after that, Yuta trying to get them both cleaned up while Taeil keeps chasing after his lips. It's lighthearted and dare he say _cute,_ and it's all too easy to give in to his touch, the breath of laughter on his lips, the thrill of another heartbeat against his own. 

  
  
  
  


It gets bad, some days. Some days, Yuta can't stand how much of his world revolves around Taeil. Though he'd never admit it, he's always been completely at the mercy of his own feelings—and Taeil, for better or worse, is the complete opposite. His feelings, his wants, and his needs have always been aligned with each other; it's why he's able to have such a strong sense of self even in the wake of NCT's stronger personalities. If he ever wanted to leave, he'd do so without a second thought. He may be responsive to Yuta's intensity, but he's never kid himself into thinking that he's as rooted to Yuta as Yuta is to him. Taeil has only ever been his own person, and no amount of Yuta's baseline overwhelming affection is going to change that. 

Yuta wishes he could be a bit more like Taeil in that way. No matter how much he wants to be more free and breezy, his passion is always going to tug him in the opposite direction—towards unrestrained fervor and certain death. It's a painful afterthought at best, and it feels like drowning at worst. 

Today, it feels like drowning.

He's not sure what kind of self-destructive cosmic joke it is that Taeil is the only person who can lessen the burden of his own heart when it feels like he's about to go under, but he's not really in a position to do anything about it right now. 

"Isn't it kitschy how I literally love you so much, it's painful?" Yuta asks him. His head is in Taeil's lap, sure hands running through Yuta's hair while he wallows in self-pity. 

Taeil just breathes a laugh. "It is, but it's human. Nobody can deny you your own humanity." 

Yuta considers that. It's more metaphysical an answer than he had been anticipating, but he thinks he understands. Taeil always seemed to have a more holistic understanding of other people than he himself did.

Still, he's feeling too emotionally exhausted for an equally profound response. "Slavers did, all over the world, for all of human existence." 

"I didn't realize I was holding you in servitude." 

"Would you be angry if I ever left?" he asks suddenly. "If it ever gets too much for me? If I can't stand myself with you anymore?" He reaches to grab Taeil's hand where it's resting in his hair, linking their fingers. 

Taeil rubs circles into his hand with his thumb. "I wouldn't. I'm too empathetic." He lifts their hands then, pressing a kiss to the back of Yuta's. "At any rate, I'd wait for you. You know I'm patient. I know you just need time to yourself."

Yuta's heart swells. He sits up then, cupping Taeil's face with his free hand and kissing him. He smiles into it, and somehow Yuta just knows that he'll never lose track of himself for long with Taeil in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> scorpio venus/cancer moon got me feeling every emotion at once at 100% volume im so damn EXHAUSTED anyway thank you for reading comments are greatly appreciated :>


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